He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
