we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
