I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
