Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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