i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
