Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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