We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
