I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
