Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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