.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize