We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
