i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
