nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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