I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
