ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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