I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
