i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
