Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
