I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
