I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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