If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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