I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize