So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize