White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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