haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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