Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
