she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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