you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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