No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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