me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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