i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
