I can text with my tongue
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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