I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
