I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
