I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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