Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
