i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
