i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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