This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
