I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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