Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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