She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
