That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize