i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
