My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
