White coat. Heels.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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