We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
