I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dear god my vagina.
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