I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is Oprah even human
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
