I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
