We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
