I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
