I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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