You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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