omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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