my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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