Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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