I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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