if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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