Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
