the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
