I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
