meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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