I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
